I’m Coming Out (Don’t Tell Mama!)

I have a pet peeve about calling an action “gay”, meaning uncool, unhip, square, lame, as in “Man, that is one gay-ass shirt.” Same for calling someone a “fag” about something, meaning that they’re ridiculously, unhealthily involved, such as, “That girl with the black nail polish is such an Eclipse fag!” As silly as it sounds, I think it perpetuates negative stereotypes of homosexuality.

That said, I am SUCH a fag.

I know many of you who know me will think less of me for some of these admissions, and you know what? I don’t care. It’s time to join my fellow brothers and sisters living as their authentic selves in the stark light of day. I am my own special creation, dammit! Just don’t tell my parents…

I am…a huge Springsteen fan since I was 16. I saw him live in 1985 during the Born in the USA tour, the one with the headband and the lousy white- man dance with the “Friends” chick, and my life was changed forever. I’ve driven as far north as Buffalo and as far south as Philly to catch a show. I have literally hundreds of bootleg CDs and DVDs documenting shows from as far back as 1971 and as recently as two weeks ago. I go to Springsteen discussion boards and can argue eloquently with crazed fans from Germany, England and Spain on career decisions, lyrics, and the best live versions of certain songs (“Prove It All Night” has NEVER been done better than the long guitar solo version in ’78). There, I said it.

I’m such a Met fan that I tape the sports show on the Mets network during the offseason because they always do a five-minute update showing players doing charity work, or taking batting practice at home. While I do not watch every inning of every game (because I’d like to remain married), my favorite question during baseball season is, “Can I check the score?” As soon as the football Giants are knocked out of playoff contention, I count down the days until the beginning of spring training, known to all fanatics as “pitchers and catchers”. February 14th, baby. I also have boxes upon boxes of baseball cards, and I buy my kids the new Topps set every Christmas (with the update!)

“V” is my current mindless television indulgence. Did you see that scene where the vicious alien queen mated with the male and then ate him? Of course you didn’t, you were reading an Oprah endorsed book or something similarly less geeky. I’ve also gone through bouts of dorkdom with “24”, “Star Trek—the Next Generation”, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, and (gulp)… “Dawson’s Creek”. I’m so ashamed. In my weak defense, I am often drawn into viewing this trash by my wife, who watches shows intensely for a few weeks, then claims to be “over it” and never watches it again, while I am hopelessly hooked and have to look up missed episodes on line. Mary El is my gateway drug. In fact, when we were first together she told me she’d never had a relationship that lasted more than three years. Lucky for me the magic third year came and went quietly because I can never remember the exact day we were married. I always remember her birthday, though! September 24th, one day after Springsteen’s. I kid you not.

I saw Tom Stoppard’s play “Arcadia” by myself when I was in my mid-twenties, on the last day of its run. I walked out of the play completely dazzled by his wit, the depth of his knowledge, the beauty of his writing, blah, blah, blah. He showed me what a playwright could be. Fast forward a few years and I got a chance to play Septimus in a version in Rhinebeck. It was an absolutely magical experience, as Mary El will tell you (“Yeah, yeah, it was magical…are you talking about that freakin’ play again!”) You know how everyone who’s ever done musical theater has been in their own definitive version of “Into the Woods” or “Godspell”, with what they insist was the cast of a lifetime? Their eyes mist over when they talk about how close everyone was, how the show changed their life, and how they fell into an irreversible depression when it was over that they’re still trying to shake? “Arcadia” was my “Godspell”.

I like “Glee”. I think Sondheim rewrote the book with his musicals, especially “Assassins” and the first half of “Sunday in the Park”. Bernadette Peters’ version of “Tell Me On a Sunday” twists my gut every single time I hear it. I will watch any period Masterpiece Theater from start to finish, all 230 episodes, no matter how many times I’ve seen it before. I’m a little in love with Liz Lemon and Olivia Benson from SVU. I watch “Star Wars—The Clone Wars” with my youngest son and I enjoy it. We download “Big Love” and “True Blood” off the computer because we don’t have HBO (although the Sookie Stackhouse novels are better). Before I got sick I used to live for Sunday morning softball. I’m currently reading “Abraham Lincoln—Vampire Slayer” with Sportscenter on in the background.  I looked up “uncool” on the Urban Dictionary to help write this.

I am such a dork. And now the world knows. All fifteen of you who frequent my blog. I feel…free. Just please, really, my mother can not hear ANY of this…

    • joelflowers
    • January 25th, 2011

    If you’re not careful, you’ll end up wearing those big, leather strappy sandals!

  1. Male feet should not be displayed!

    • Joe
    • January 25th, 2011

    We may not Geek on the same things, but we could be brothers!

  2. Wait until tommorow! I promise I’ll be Geeking on the same thing as you…

  3. Love it! Both of you are so smart and articulate..and funny too….

    Me? I’m turning into a real pumpkin roller staying up here in these here hills…

  4. “Pumpkin roller”, I like that. My youngest came up with East “Derrr-ham” this morning.

    • Karen Mills
    • January 27th, 2011

    Oh, boy….there isn’t enough space in cyberworld for me to confess all my geekiness!!

    How brave of you!

  5. Karen, will you be my geek-hag?

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