I’m a Whore and I Know It

"Banshee", my latest play and the reason I sold my soul.

Those of you who know me personally found out something about me this week.  I’m a sell-out, a hypocrite, and an amoral piece of dung.  No, don’t stop me, let me finish.  I have become everything I despise.  I now have…a Facebook account.

I know, I know.  How could someone who has decried Facebook as “evil” in print (https://pettiplays.wordpress.com/2011/01/17/facebook-is-evil-we-cant-all-sing-like-judy-garland/) end up succumbing to the dark side without choking on his own bile.  How can I live with my own fickleness, lack of honor and, apparently, missing backbone.  It’s easy, surprisingly.  Selling one’s soul usually is.  A few quick taps and I was signed and sealed into the world of “Friends”, “Profiles” and (shudder) “Pokes”.

Have I lost my everloving mind?  Kind of.  You see, I have a show to promote.  My play, “Banshee”, is going to be part of the International Fringe Festival in NYC this August.  I’m extremely happy about this on many fronts, but with great happiness comes great responsibility.  I have a producer who is laying out good money to make this whole thing happen, so I have a moral imperative to get the word out from sea to shining sea.  When that moral imperative met my already existing moral outrage at Facebook’s level of cultural inanity, something had to give.  That something was my integrity.  Big applause for my lost integrity!

Promotion is a beast.  It’s the part of theater I spend the most time on, yet feel the most ambivalent about.  I send out my emails to everyone I know to let them know I have a show coming up and they either come or they don’t.  In the last few years my shows have moved further and further towards Canada.  As the shows moved North, my expectations that anyone I know will be attending them went South.  But this time I’m going to have a play running in New York City for the first time since 2005.  Lots of good things have happened since 2005–I’ve had two plays published and I’ve averaged writing a full-length play per year.  But let’s face it, there’s no place like NY, even in August.  There’s certainly a difference between telling someone “I have a show opening in North Buttcrack” and “I have a show opening in NYC.” (I would never actually say “NYC” out loud, but you get the gist.)  There’s no difference in the quality of the shows, and believe me I’ve been thrilled to have ANY theater space to do my thing.  But there’s that whole, “If you can make it there” Sinatra thing about New York.  You’ve got to be on the proverbial ball. 

Plus I want the whole friggin’ world to see “Banshee”. I really do.  Plays don’t exist in silence, they are created to be performed.  It may sound overy-dramatic, but a play is literally nothing sitting in a drawer.  It must be embodied.  I have three plays I’ve written that haven’t been publically performed yet because of my various illnesses, which is akin to being pregnant three times but never seeing the baby walk.  Not that I’ve ever been pregnant.  Or had a baby, or not seen my baby walk.  OK, it’s just a simile in a stupid blog, let’s not make a federal case out of it.

The play is also personal, with characters based on two of my uncles and my Irish grandmother, although my real Grandma was much nicer.   It’s an Irish ghost story with a touch of that culture’s myth and mystery, which I’ve always had an affinity towards.  So yeah, it’s like my latest child and I want all my friends to come to it’s first little league game and see how well it plays.  It’s only natural.

I have a friend in real estate (hi Karen!) who always maintained through my anti-Facebook rhetoric that for all its faults it’s still a great way to get a message out to a number of people.  I figure I can pound the dates into everyone’s heads so that even if they don’t come they could tell their friends the wheres and whens by rote.  If I haven’t annoyed, harassed and antagonized everyone who friended me on Facebook by the time the show goes up, I will not have done my job.  Hey at least it’s not pictures of my cat.  Or worse, my kids (they are sooooooo much cuter than everyone else’s!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!).  If I can avoid outbursts like that, maybe I’ll be able to get through this Facebook fiasco while still being able to live with myself.

Nah, I’m a whore and I know it.

Advertisements
    • Steven Patterson
    • June 3rd, 2011

    Be assured, there are ways of utilizing the Beast without being subsumed by it (though John would probably tell you otherwise in regards to myself).

    • Joe
    • June 3rd, 2011

    Hey, Whore, ya forgot to put in the dates and the theatre space on this blog. How am I gonna come see this opus without the needed info… just sayin’… love ya!

  1. @ Steven–What if I AM the beast?

    @Joe–don’t know exact dates until mid July. Don’t worry, you’ll hear ALLLL about it…Muhwahahahahahahah!

    • Anonymous
    • June 4th, 2011

    What’s wrong with north buttcrack?

  2. I guess it’s better than South Buttcrack–those people are just weird!

    • Matt Meinsen
    • June 5th, 2011

    Whores get paid….

  3. GOOD whores get paid. The rest of us catch as catch can.

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: