BAMB!–Bloggers Against Mundane Banalities

The quote below has recently been making the rounds on Facebook, which I reluctantly joined in order to market the impending performance of my play “Banshee” in NYC.   No offense to the posters…OK, a little offense…but this is exactly why I didn’t want to wade knee deep in the first place.  My cynical nature just can’t let stuff like this pass without comment.  So instead of commenting on Facebook and getting defriended left and right, let me eviscerate it here instead:

“Laugh when you can… Apologize when you should… And let go of what you can’t change… Love deeply and forgive quickly… Take chances and give your everything… Life is too short to be anything but happy… You have to take the good with the bad… Love what you have… Always remember what you had… Forgive and forget…and always remember… that life goes on. Post if you agree.. Life is too short.”

All wonderful sentiments, right?  If we lived in Shangri-La.

“Laugh when you can”.  OK, fine.  But shouldn’t someone have to earn a laugh?  My wife and I share similar senses of humors, but sometimes one or the other says something that makes the other want to pee themselves.  To me, it’s the best feeling in the world to make someone shoot their drink out their nose.  It doesn’t come easily–I can say 126 relatively funny things to get one bullseye response like that.  Laugh when someone MAKES you.  Otherwise you’ll spend your time chuckling at “Three;s Company” reruns.

“Apologize when you should”, ” Love deeply and forgive quickly”.  No.  Apologize when you have no other choice.  Otherwise, defend your position until the tanks are rolling over your neck.  If you’re going to argue, go for the gusto.  Peel the paint off the walls.  Otherwise what fun is it?  There will be plenty of time to apologize after the police arrive.  Forgiveness is for losers!

“Life is too short to be anything but happy”.  Hmmm.  I’ve always been under the impression that life is EXACTLY the right length–it lasts up the very moment you croak.  Being happy every single moment of that time seems OK in theory, but how does it work in practice?  If my cat has a tragic, fatal accident should I still be happy?  When I get stuck in traffic on the way to something important, should I whistle a happy tune?  Have you ever met someone who’s happy all the time?  Don’t you want to smack that silly smile off their face?   “Happy” is such a meaningless, typically American ideal.  It’s a reflective act, and conjures up the image of someone with an enviable marriage, two and a half kids, a house they own and three nice cars in the garage, sipping a martini on their front porch and pondering the perfection of their existence.  Someone please throw a hand-grenade in the middle of that little fantasy.

I’m not an unhappy person, but I don’t feel the need to crap sunshine.   Normal people struggle.  The dictum “be happy” is akin to saying “don’t be human”, be a glazed-eyed automaton who doesn’t think deeply or feel any pain.  Life sucks sometimes.  Deal with it.

“Love what you have… Always remember what you had”.  What does this mean, exactly.  I remember vividly the times when I had a job and a little money in the bank.  Should I now embrace my poverty, while remembering when I could afford to pay a mortgage?  No, of course not Brian, this is referring to emotional matters, not monetary.  I am blessed with a wonderful family.  Should I be remembering before I had a family, or that brief few weeks with my wife before we had children around, or when the kids couldn’t talk or eat us out of house and home?  Or is this meant for recently widowed people?  You had a great marriage with someone you loved, but you should now love your life without them?  Can you mourn, or is that not allowed?  I’m thoroughly confused by tepid vagueness, and quite frankly it’s making me depressed but I can’t be unhappy because life it short for that.

“And always remember.. that life goes on.”  Yes, it does.  I’m sorry, did I miss something profound here?  No matter what horrible thing might happen to me, the earth will continue to spin around the sun until our star grows old and supernovas one day.  Wouldn’t it be funny if billions of years from now something terrible befell some poor sap at the exact moment the sun exploded?  For that one guy or gal, life WON’T go on! 

“Life goes on” is another meaningless banality that people tell other people when their life sucks, at the exact moment in time when they least want to hear that particular truth.  Why DOESN’T the world stop?  Oh, because I’m just an infinitesimally small dingleberry hanging off life’s butt.  Thanks for cheering me up, pal. 

So, in summary:

“Laugh when you are moved to… Apologize when you’re forced… And hang on to what you can’t change with a death grip… Love deeply and forgive sporadically, to make sure your partner doesn’t get too comfortable… Take chances and give your everything, but don’t be surprised when you lose it all and your everything is not quite enough… Life is exactly the right length, so be happy during those rare moments when depression doesn’t have you in its icy grip… You have to take the good with the bad, even if the percentage is 5 good, 95 bad… Love what you have… Always remember what you had, even if this doesn’t make logical sense… Forgive and forget…and always remember (hold it, didn’t you just tell me to forget?)… that life goes on until the sun explodes or you croak, in which case it immediately ceases.  Post if you would like to kill the poster, or yourself… Life is too short to accept trite idiocy without comment.”

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    • Kae
    • June 24th, 2011

    Crap sunshine until the sun explodes! Great new sentiment! 😉

    • Mary Ellen Nelligar Petti
    • June 24th, 2011

    That’s my guy! When inviting us to your next parade..please reread this as we have a tendency to piss on them.

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